So, these have been a crazy few weeks for me. I’m not going to lie. 

There was the whole testicular tumor/cancer scare, a lot of confusion in my love life and i quit my job. The funniest part is i quit my job, telling my boss that i had cancer and i have to quit and then the day after, i go to the doctors and learn i don’t even have a fucking tumor. hahahaha oh well. i couldn’t stand Bamiyans. Prom was good, just like Emily Harris said, but i really, really wanted to kiss Emily Garcia. And afterwards she said she wanted to kiss me too, but we both pussied out because neither one of us wants her to get more confused. I like her a lot, but i can see me getting fucked over in the end like i always do. I’m too nice and i let people get away with too much. She doesn’t want a relationship anytime soon, which is fine, I wouldn’t want to rush into anything… i just always end up in these situations with girls. There’s the ex boyfriend who treats/treated her like shit, but she still has mad feelings for, the best friend that something minor happens and they get all confused on their emotions for them, and then there’s me. Usually in that order. And I’m not necessarily bitching right now, and i know no one is going to read this, so what’s the point? I’m just saying, if i get fucked over/cheated on/used or whatever, i called it. I’m not saying that i see her as someone that could do that to anyone, but i never saw Taylor or Roxanne or even Ashlynn as that either. I don’t know what just triggered this, but i just started thinking about all of the suicides lately… what the fuck? My friend Jarred killed himself last year, he jumped in front of a Semi Truck and his head went under the tire… but then this year i lost Jake to a self inflected shotgun wound to the head, i lost Tyler when he slit his own throat, and then Kyle goes and hangs himself… is it weird to become desensitized to losing your friends? Like the two most important things to me in life are family, and friends… in that order. Family first, no matter what. And like the first two suicides, i was devastated… but after Jake, Tyler and Kyle just didn’t affect me the same way. It’s fucked up, i know. I just don’t know what to make of all of this. 

THE TESTICULAR TUMOR/CANCER SCARE

it turns out I’m fine… ish. I dont have cancer, or even a tumor… but i do have this disease that one in six hundred thousand men have… its called Epididimytis. here’s a picture. hahaha yeah. thats my nut. hahaha.

so i have this disease, a hernia, and a cyst on my right nut… but hey, its not cancer. :)) that was one of the scariest things of my life. But i know that I’m fine. If I’m lucky this disease will just get up and leave. If not, i’ll live with it. Thank god for Morgan, if she wasn’t with me through all of this, i don’t know what i would have done. she helps me more than she realizes. She’s my very best friend. i could write about her forever… but i wont.

im getting tired of sitting in this office chair and talking about myself so imma get off… yeah. bye.